THE RINK REPORT

Serving Stats & Spilling Tea

L12 • Edmonton Polycule Truthers Volume 2 Season 2026-27
On This Day
← Back to This Season WEEK 2 Oct 5 to Oct 11, 2026
The Tea

Saturday Had the Final Word

Three teams scored 89 or more on Saturday. One of them used it to erase a Friday deficit. The other six days were, in hindsight, a rough draft.

The Matchups

May the Fors(berg) be with you (Liv S., 326.1) def. like breadard and butter (Caitlynn C., 237.8)

Last week Liv scored 240.5 and lost. This week she had the league's high score, and she did it with a zero on Wednesday.

Liv took Wednesday off and still won by 88.3, the fantasy equivalent of skipping a workday and getting promoted. She led 146.2 to 72.0 after Tuesday, then added 98.3 on Saturday, the biggest single day any team had all week.

Brandon Hagel was the best skater in the league: 34.0 on four goals, including a hat trick, and 17 shots. Tim Stutzle added 28.0 on four goals and three assists. Andrei Svechnikov scored 24.5 and David Pastrnak 22.0. In net, Karel Vejmelka won twice and made 64 saves for 39.9.

Filip Forsberg, of the team name, chipped in 11.0 on three assists. The Fors(berg) was with her. Quietly.

Caitlynn's goalies did everything asked of them. Linus Ullmark won three games for 41.1, and Sergei Bobrovsky made 70 saves for 40.2. Tage Thompson put 21 shots on net for 20.0. Connor Hellebuyck scored zero for the second straight week. Still resting. Very thoroughly.

Verdict: Take Wednesday off. Just score 98 on Saturday.

Dude, Where's Makar? (Kaitlyn M., 253.2) def. Keller? I hardly know her (Anna Y., 207.9)

Anna took the lead on Thursday and still had it going into Saturday, 145.8 to 136.2.

Then Kaitlyn scored 94.4 on Saturday. Anna scored 44.1. Saturday reviewed the first five days and issued a correction.

Kaitlyn's goalies split the work: Darcy Kuemper 29.8, Joey Daccord 27.1. Kirill Kaprizov and William Nylander scored 24.5 each, Nylander on five assists. Matt Boldy fired 14 shots for 17.5. And Makar, of the team name, has been located for a second straight week: 15.0 on two goals and two assists.

Anna's roster showed up too. Andrei Vasilevskiy scored 25.8, Mark Stone 23.0, Mikko Rantanen 18.0 and Mika Zibanejad 16.5. Clayton Keller, her namesake, added 14.0.

Verdict: Leading on Friday is a mood, not a result.

John Tavares' Magic Amulet (Heather S., 279.6) def. Freezing My Kucherov (Alexius S., 214.4)

Heather trailed 19.8 to 4.0 after Monday. Then she scored 97.0 on Tuesday and never trailed again.

Alexius pushed back with 76.6 on Thursday and cut the gap to 21.7. Heather answered with 89.0 on Saturday.

Jesper Wallstedt made 86 saves for 47.9, the second-best score in the league. Auston Matthews had three goals and six assists for 30.0. Alexis Lafreniere scored five goals, hat trick included, for 29.0, and Jack Eichel added 22.5. Spencer Knight scored 15.5 on Heather's bench, which is the kind of problem you want.

The amulet himself, John Tavares, put up 7.0 and moved to IR on Saturday. The magic appears to be transferable.

Alexius's goalie may be the most consistent person in the league. Jeremy Swayman scored 43.2 this week after 43.1 last week. Joseph Woll added 23.2 and Bo Horvat 22.5. Nikita Kucherov had six assists and zero goals for 13.0, so the team name is, technically, accurate.

Verdict: The amulet works even from IR.

Honorable Mentions

Colorado Scuba Club (Ashley P., 292.3) def. Pop That Bussi (Ashley L., 215.8). The commissioner led from Tuesday on and won five of seven days. Logan Thompson made 70 saves for 42.3. Sebastian Aho scored 26.0 on three goals, four assists and two shorthanded points. Beckett Sennecke added 19.5 and Nathan MacKinnon 17.5. For Ashley L., the namesake delivered again: Brandon Bussi won twice for 28.2. John Carlson scored 18.0, and Rasmus Dahlin blocked 13 shots. Goalies made up just 20% of her points, the lowest share in the league, in a week when nine goalies finished in the top ten.

Sorokin Deez Nutz (Nina R., 315.1) def. Flickin' the Bean (Catarina M., 272.9). House rules, so this stays short. Catarina scored 272.9, up 120.8 from last week and enough to beat five of the other nine teams. Jake Oettinger was the top scorer in the league with 55.2: two shutouts, an overtime loss, and one goal allowed on 60 shots all week. Goalies remain committed to the bit. Tom Wilson and Jake DeBrusk scored 20.0 each. On the other side, Sergei Murashov made 77 saves for 39.0, and Ilya Sorokin, of the team name, added 25.0.

Team of the Week

May the Fors(berg) be with you (Liv S.). One week after losing with 240.5, Liv put up 326.1, the high score of the week. She had the league's best skater, two more skaters over 24 points, a goalie at 39.9, and a zero-point Wednesday that never got the chance to matter.

Coldest Team of the Week

Keller? I hardly know her (Anna Y.). Anna is 0-2, and for the second straight week she led at some point and didn't finish on top.

But she scored 40.4 more than in Week 1, Mark Stone and Mikko Rantanen are producing, and she was ahead going into Saturday. This was not a bad roster. This was a bad Saturday.

Transactions & Trades

The Monk Award Race

No trades. Sixteen moves.

Ashley L. (Pop That Bussi) made four: Quinton Byfield, Stuart Skinner, Cole Perfetti for Dylan Holloway, and Ben Kindel for Nikolaj Ehlers. Holloway was dropped Thursday night. On Monday, the historian picked him up. Nothing is ever really gone in this league.

Heather S. (John Tavares' Magic Amulet) made zero moves last week and four this week. Paul Cotter was added Thursday and dropped Friday for Logan Stankoven. Jared Spurgeon was added Saturday and dropped two minutes later for Nick Robertson. The shortest relationship in league history. Heather has withdrawn from Monk award consideration.

Ashley P. (Colorado Scuba Club) added Vladislav Gavrikov and two goalies, Dylan Garand and Joel Hofer. Hofer replaced Kevin Lankinen.

Catarina M. (Flickin' the Bean) swapped Dustin Wolf for Arturs Silovs, who scored 16.7 in his first game.

Remember last week's goalie rush, when four goalies left the wire in 20 minutes? Two of them, Lankinen and Wolf, are already back on it. The other two, Sergei Murashov and Yaroslav Askarov, scored 55.6 combined this week.

Anna Y. (Keller? I hardly know her) added Jordan Eberle, Gabe Perreault, and Jackson Blake for Mats Zuccarello. Eberle scored 9.5 on her bench. Alexius S. (Freezing My Kucherov) swapped Bobby McMann for Easton Cowan.

Liv, Caitlynn and Nina sat still. So did Kaitlyn M. (Dude, Where's Makar?), which makes her the only manager with zero moves this season. The Monk award is hers to lose.

Translation: Half the goalie rush is back on the wire. The other half is still paying rent.

League Landscape Week Two

Three teams are 2-0. Three are 0-2. Everyone else is figuring it out in public.

East: Nina R. (Sorokin Deez Nutz) and Ashley P. (Colorado Scuba Club) are 2-0. Liv S. (May the Fors(berg) be with you) is 1-1 with the second-most points in the league. Caitlynn C. (like breadard and butter) is also 1-1. Catarina M. (Flickin' the Bean) is 0-2, but her 272.9 this week is how comebacks start.

West: Heather S. (John Tavares' Magic Amulet) is the only unbeaten team in the West. Kaitlyn M. (Dude, Where's Makar?) and Ashley L. (Pop That Bussi) are 1-1. Alexius S. (Freezing My Kucherov) and Anna Y. (Keller? I hardly know her) are both 0-2, and they play each other in Matchup 3. One of them gets off the schedule's bad side.

Matchup 3 also puts Nina against Liv, the league's top two point totals. The historian has seen the schedule and has no comment.

Moral of the Week

A Friday lead is a draft. Saturday does the edits.

Haiku of the Week

Two shutouts, one loss
sixty shots and one got by
that one still counted

Standings

East Division
Sorokin Deez Nutz 2-0-0
Colorado Scuba Club 2-0-0
May the Fors(berg) be with you 1-1-0
like breadard and butter 1-1-0
Flickin' the Bean 0-2-0
West Division
John Tavares' Magic Amulet 2-0-0
Dude, Where's Makar? 1-1-0
Pop That Bussi 1-1-0
Freezing My Kucherov 0-2-0
Keller? I hardly know her 0-2-0