The Tea
January Hockey, No Chill
Week 14 arrived with January energy, which means injuries, lineup roulette, and at least one manager staring at their roster like it personally betrayed them. The scores tightened, the waiver wire stayed busy, and the standings are officially past the "it's early" phase. This is now a season with consequences.
By Nina Rivera • Staff Writer
The Matchups
Net Results (118.3) def. Teenage Mutant Ninja Hertl (116.7)
The week's main character: a 1.6 point margin. That's not a swing, that's a coin flip with a grudge.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Hertl came in hot: Ilya Sorokin (20.4) and Tomas Hertl (17.6) basically tried to drag the team across the finish line by the scruff of the neck. Josh Morrissey (9.7) also did the responsible adult thing.
Net Results answered with the most annoying kind of win, the kind that looks calm in the box score but is absolutely not calm emotionally: Vincent Trocheck (10.4), John Carlson (10.3), Mika Zibanejad (10.2). No fireworks, just steady damage.
Verdict: If you lost this one, you don't need a roster change. You need a small nap and a light conspiracy theory.
Don't Trust Aho (116.8) def. Strome Alone (80.6)
This was less "matchup" and more "demonstration."
Strome Alone had the headliners: Alex Ovechkin (15.1) and Connor McDavid (14.7). That's 29.8 points from two humans and it still didn't matter, which is the most fantasy-hockey sentence imaginable.
Don't Trust Aho won with an actual team: Macklin Celebrini (14.9), Joseph Woll (12.8), Charlie McAvoy (10.1). Aho didn't just win, they won in a way that makes you reconsider your life choices.
Verdict: Two superstars is a plan. It is not a complete plan.
DeMan DeSmith DeLegend (101.4) def. Stay in the Net (80.2)
This was a "handle business" win, the kind contenders rack up while everyone else is making excuses in the group chat.
DDD had contributions everywhere: Mattias Samuelsson (10.7), Jason Robertson (9.7), Alex Tuch (9.3). Nothing fluky, nothing weird, just steady points and a clean W.
Stay in the Net did have bright spots: David Pastrnak (14.5) and Lucas Raymond (9.7) showed up, and Pavel Dorofeyev (8.7) helped. But the rest of the lineup didn't bring enough to keep it close.
Verdict: Great stars, not enough backup dancers.
Honorable Mentions
Candy Canes for Hurricanes (123.8) def. The Spoked Bae (53.9): Candy Canes dropped the week's biggest total behind Jack Eichel (13.6), Evan Bouchard (11.6), and Josh Manson (10.6). Spoked Bae's best week was…not this week (Darnell Nurse 9.1, Mason Lohrei 8.1, Seth Jarvis 7.5). This wasn't suspenseful, but it was thorough.
Delaney's Daring Team (84.6) def. Lachimolala (71.3): Delaney got a huge week from John Gibson (23.8) plus Philipp Grubauer (11.4), which is basically the fantasy equivalent of finding money in a winter coat you forgot you owned. Little does she know her lineup will be pillaged next week. Lachimolala's leaders were Pavel Zacha (9.4) and Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen (9.0), but the rest didn't follow.
Team of the Week
DeMan DeSmith DeLegend — DDD put up 101.4, didn't rely on a single monster performance, and handled a .500 West team cleanly. That's exactly what good teams do in January: they don't get cute, they just stack wins.
Coldest Team of the Week
Panarin Bread — Sometimes your lineup is a story. This week it was a short story.
Transactions & Trades
Week 14's transaction log tells a very specific story: the teams doing well are not relaxing. While the bottom of the standings gets all the jokes, it was the contenders who stayed busiest, quietly tweaking, trimming, and occasionally choosing chaos. That's usually how they stay contenders.
Don't Trust Aho set the tone early, moving on from Hampus Lindholm in favor of Jeremy Lauzon, then later dropping Carl Grundstrom to bring in Michael Misa. It was a blend of practical roster management and mild experimentation, which feels on brand at this point.
Net Results took the opposite approach, opting for calm, veteran reliability. Adding Anze Kopitar and Jake Walman while moving on from Adam Henrique was the waiver-wire equivalent of choosing sleep over drama. Boring, sensible, and effective.
Elsewhere, Papi's Princesses made a simple but decisive swap, adding Brenden Dillon and cutting Brady Skjei, while McDaddy Issues cycled depth by bringing in Kasperi Kapanen and letting go of Matt Savoie.
Tkachuk Around And Find Out stayed active as well, dropping Kopitar in favor of Cole Sillinger and adding Justin Sourdif, continuing their pattern of staying one step ahead of stagnation. Strome Alone followed a similar path, adding Pavol Regenda, dropping Jake Evans, and later picking up Victor Olofsson in search of something that sticks.
DeMan DeSmith DeLegend quietly reshaped the bottom of their roster, bringing in Marcus Foligno and Yan Kuznetsov while moving on from Zemgus Girgensons and Brenden Dillon, a classic January recalibration. And then there was Candy Canes for Hurricanes, who added James van Riemsdyk, because someone always does, and somehow it almost always works.
Finally, Hughes Your Daddy treated the waiver wire like an open office hours session, adding Parker Kelly and Alexandre Texier, dropping Paul Cotter and Ty Dellandrea, and officially tagging Nino Niederreiter as "likely to trade." That's not a roster move, that's a strategic signal.
No trades went through this week, but the volume of activity made one thing clear: plenty of teams are thinking hard, even if no one's ready to say it out loud.
League Landscape After Week 14
In the East, Tkachuk Around And Find Out holds first at 11–3, with Net Results and Don't Trust Aho both sitting at 10–4, one game back. Smashville and DDD are right behind at 9–5, which means the middle of the East is basically a knife fight with polite smiles.
In the West, My Little Kraklings are still the final boss at 12–2. Candy Canes and McDaddy Issues are tied at 10–4, and then it drops into the great .500 swamp: Stay in the Net, Strome Alone, and TMNH all at 7–7. It's crowded, it's messy, and everyone thinks they're "one week away."
Also: yes, a few teams are already marked eliminated from playoff contention per ESPN. It's January. That's brutal.
Moral of the Week
At this stage, you don't need a miracle; you need a plan. The teams climbing are the ones making small, boring moves before things break. Everyone else is waiting for the "big week" like it's going to arrive with a tracking number.
Haiku of the Week
One point, then two points
Depth wins while stars shout loudly
January has teeth
Current Standings
East Division
Tkachuk Around and Find Out
11-3-0
Net Results
10-4-0
Don't Trust Aho
10-4-0
Smashville Puckheads
9-5-0
DeMan DeSmith DeLegend
9-5-0
The Em-VPs
8-6-0
What's Dunn is Dunn
8-6-0
Delaney's Daring Team
4-10-0
The Spoked Bae (e)
3-11-0
Papi's Princesses (e)
2-12-0
West Division
My Little Kraklings
12-2-0
Candy Canes for Hurricanes
10-4-0
McDaddy Issues
10-4-0
Stay in the Net
7-7-0
Strome Alone
7-7-0
Teenage Mutant Ninja Hertl
7-7-0
Lachimolala
5-9-0
Hughes Your Daddy (e)
3-11-0
Nose Face Killah Crew (e)
3-11-0
Panarin Bread (e)
2-12-0